We’re gonna get rich. Today, I announce formation of the non-profit Barbwire Foundation which will provide legal, governmental, administrative, political and educational advice at half the price that the big boys charge. I can screw up every bit as badly as our major institutions and do it far cheaper.
Take the Rail City. Please. I could have put together those disastrous deals for the Marina and Scheels corporate welfare projects that have made Sparks competitive with Reno for insolvency. And saved the city tons of money.
Alas, poor little Sparks can’t hold a candle to the Black Tower or the Green Monster.
In the emerald city of green eyeshades, the Washoe County School District has once again paid for legal advice from comedy writers. I cry foul. How am I supposed to make a living in competition with government?
A few years ago, the school board rightly fired crybaby superintendent Pedro Martinez. Gov. Veto El Obtúsè filled the hole on Pedro’s resúmè with a phony featherbed job while Pedro looked for real work. He’s now trying to privatize the school system in San Antonio, Tejas. What an educator.
As journalist Dennis Myers confirmed, the school board never broke the open meeting law in firing Pedro. The trustees nonetheless caved to a Reno Gazette-Journal-stoked media frenzy which caught a local rich dork and then-Nevada Attorney General Catherine Cortez-Masto in its wake. It was a mass-hysteria precursor to our current kneejerk pitchforks-and-torches miasma.
Similar mass confusion was sown awhile back by the medical profession. As a result, Nevada victims can no longer sue for medical malpractice. A friend of mine was cut to ribbons after a doctor made a mistake in routine surgery. He couldn’t get a lawyer to even call him back.
The Nevada State Medical Association created a phony malpractice insurance crisis and ran TV commercials showing people in white smocks walking down both sides of a desert highway toward California. “Doctors are leaving Nevada in droves,” said the somber announcer, because them their dastardly lawyers are making malpractice insurance so expensive that physicians can’t afford to stay here.
Such a bright, shining lie. The legal profession’s response was too little, too late. The docs’ initiative passed and now victims can just go die. As did my friend. The defenders of our rights then cut a deal with the medicusers for a one-year truce rather than see the momentum spill over to the legislature.
Do lawyers ever abuse the system? Hell yes. That’s why a return to the medical-legal screening panel would be a good idea. About 30 years ago, you could not sue for malpractice until that state-appointed body found smoking-gun negligence. It wasn’t perfect, but it limited frivolous lawsuits while allowing relief for the aggrieved and occasional defrocking of incompetents.
A few years back, a law firm bought an older condo, tore it apart, documented every nit-picky detail and sued the few still around. A well-established painting contractor was pretty much put out of business. With that suit on his record, he could no longer qualify for bonding to bid jobs. He was blameless, but who cares? Our flawed construction defect law still hasn’t been properly patched.
This week, Pedro must be laughing at his old school district for listening to the lawyers who made him a severance-package millionaire. They want to treat club sports like lacrosse and activities like debate as they would plague. I can understand litigation worries but where do you draw the line? Today, media ambulance chasers advertise for criminal or accident cases because malpractice doesn’t pay. School trustees and Superintendent Traci Davis are all highly educated pros with the best interests of their students at heart.
Doesn’t anyone have the chops to question lousy lawyers? Will they next recommend cutting off water to all student restrooms because a kid could drown?
Which brings me to the Black Tower and Reno City Attorney Karl Hall. He seemed like someone who could show Sparks people that an elected lawyer doesn’t have to be a sexual harassment doofus.
Well, sex has proven Mr. Hall’s downfall. Mayor Hillary Schieve wants him off the defense of a lawsuit filed by two former female city employees. Mr. Hall’s subordinate wants to grill one of the plaintiffs on her entire sexual history.
“Does the slut wiggle when she walks? Did she wear provocative short dresses at seven years old?” Interrogatory minds want to know!
Hall refused Mlle. Mayor’s demand to walk away and the comedy continued during last Saturday’s union retirement dinner at, appropriately, Circus Circus. (Sometimes, this schtick just writes itself.)
It was announced that Mlle. Mayor would be represented by Councilmember David Bobzien because Ms. Schieve was distraught at her beloved dog having been run over.
Only the Barbwire and one unnamed councilmember know the identity of the blackguard who posed the burning question: Was Karl Hall driving the car?
Be well. Raise hell. Esté bien. Haga infierno.
Andrew Barbano is a 49-year Nevadan and editor of NevadaLabor.com. Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Tribune since 1988. E-mail <firstname.lastname@example.org>