“If people can be taught to hate, they can be taught to love.” — Opal Lee, 96, Mother of the Juneteenth National Holiday
Apparently that simple message has never gotten thru to the madcap governor of the orange juice state.
Ron DeSatanist demeaned his wife and little daughter by attending last Saturday’s sheep testicle worship in the Alabaster Bastion formerly known as Douglas County.
DeSatanist’s message was all hate all the time. Bad guys are out to get us, we have enemies within, we need to burn books and soon, witches. (With all the witch hunts Czar Donaldov sez are going on, the perps should be easy to identify.)
Hate sells. Sorry, little girl.
“Children are eager to learn,” Opal Lee said last Monday, decrying book bans nationwide which are especially prevalent in Confederate states like Florida and Texas.
Why, not even a can of good ole American-made beer is safe from the white sheets crowd. A transsexual podcaster received a can of Budweiser Light with her picture thereon. Then, the moonhowlers went to work. Two Bud execs were placed on leave and Bud Light was almost immediately dethroned by import Modelo as America’s best-selling brew. Hatred and bigotry sell.
Irony dripped. Bud light was originally marketed like all beers, as the preferred beverage for macho athletes backslapping at a local bar with a few titty maidens for window dressing, of course.
Florida is among several states trying to kill legal notice advertising in newspapers that dare to criticize government. Hey, who cares what the city council is doing or if somebody is suing to take your property?
In another public relations coup for Nevada, former Nevada Press Association Executive Director Richard Karpel told the New York Times that “It’s gotten worse over the years in terms of trying to use contracts and laws to lash out at newspapers.” Karpel now heads the Public Notice Resource Center, a nonprofit focused on promoting government transparency.
“Some states, like Florida, are going even further, revoking the requirement that such notices have to appear in newspapers,” the Times reported.
That’s a particular gripe of mine and it doesn’t just apply to newspapers. We increasingly live under the delusion that the Internet covers everything. Some nonprofits have even begun conducting organization elections online. Poor Luddites without computer access can just call a friend or schlep to a local library to vote. Or not. I believe the common term is voter suppression and it has decided close elections.
You damn well might not be reading this column if this were the Tallahassee Tribune.
DeSatanist punched all the red meat buttons while eating white meat sheep balls out in AlabasterLand.
“We need to restore a sense of normalcy to our communities,” the demagogue who would be president said.
Hmmm…who was the president famous for desiring “normalcy?”
“America’s present need is not heroics, but healing; not nostrums but normalcy; not revolution but restoration…not surgery but serenity.”
Who said that? No less than Mr. Serenity hisself, Warren G. Harding in his famed 1920 Normalcy speech. Had he not conveniently died of a heart attack, he most probably would have been impeached and convicted of corruption in the infamous Teapot Dome oil field leasing scandal that sent some of his top cronies to prison.
Everything old is new again, eh wot? Anachronisms sell well with whites-only dinosaurs here in Mississippi West Nevada.
DeSatanist has gotten away with linguistic murder, trashing all things “woke” without defining the term. Were he an educated man, he would know that almost all American slang originates with our black people, especially musicians. That was one of the first lessons I learned in freshman English at woke liberal Fresno State.
If you simply said “cool” instead of “woke,” all the baggage would be removed. The late talk show racist Lush Rambo so demonized “liberal” (which means open-minded) that Democrats now shun the term. Not this one.
As former Sen. Alan Simpson, R-Wyoming, once said, nothing moves in Washington unless it contains some combination of money, fear, guilt and racism. Thus spake Ron DeSatanist.
The essence of Christianity is the golden rule, which existed at least 600 years before Yeshua of Nazareth walked the earth. Just be kind. But that’s woke and we cannot have that here.
SOLUTIONS IN STRANGE PLACES. In a far from woke or totally woke place, Mother Earth News magazine, I have found the ideal Christmas gift for Far Gone Ron and his ilk: the backyard automatic chicken plucker, the ideal gift for pols to give local party organizations while out campaigning.
It looks like a washing machine tub on wheels and can “take the hassle out of backyard chicken processing,” according to a full page ad.
It can take as long as 30 minutes to pluck a single chicken, according to Yard Bird Pluckers in the non-woke state of Wisconsin. Wow. Gov. DeSatanist took 45 minutes to woke-up Nevada. That’s only one and a half chickens, even for an experienced plucker. With the non-woke Wisconsin system, you can pluck two chickens in a mere 15 seconds. (Can Nevada sheep castration be far behind?)
But wait, there’s more with this amazing offer. The plucker mother ship offers all the accessories you need for successful de-featherization and then some: scalding gloves, a butchering apron, adjustable restructuring cones and best of all, lung removal tools — ideal for symbolically ripping out the lungs of woke liberals. What’s not to like?
The plucker ad was illustrated with a bearded macho dude holding up two headless, naked chickens like football trophies. In a final note of unintentional satire, the chicken plucker promo faced an article about incubators illustrated with a frightened mama hen facing the camera with a dozen chicks under her.
After he reads this, I feel certain that DeSatanist will push the Republican National Committee to find a way to defund the Mother Earth News.
Stay safe, be kind, get vaxxed and pray for those cruelly afflicted by the cruelly small minds on this small planet.
Be well. Raise hell. / Esté bien. Haga infierno.
Andrew Quarantino Barbáno is a 54-year Nevadan and editor of NevadaLabor.com and MississippiWestNV.org/ Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Tribune since 1988. E-mail barbano@frontpage.reno.nv.us
Leave a Reply