Everybody knows the dice are loaded.
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed.
Everybody knows the war is over.
Everybody knows the good guys lost.
Everybody knows the fight was fixed.
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich.
That’s how it goes.
— Leonard Cohen
I had a dream that white guys finally vanquished the black and brown menace.
Nevada tourism leaders were quick to build a major promotion around the celebration to be held — drum roll, please — at White Christmas.
Gov. Ira Hansen’s commission on economic development and tourism decided that a little mystery would boost attendance at a victory parade. So, the grand marshall’s identity was kept under wraps until the great day itself.
Mother Nature cooperated as a gentle white powder covered the streets of Carson City, by far the correct place for such an occasion. To the surprise of many, Nevada finally boasted that its capital city’s namesake had Navajo slaves — pardon me, they were called peons — in his New Mexico household and led scorched earth campaigns against the tribes.
Some Gomorrah South promotional genius came up with the original idea of transporting the grand marshall in a red, white and blue sleigh. Presidentially pardoned Maricopa County, Arizona, Sheriff Joe Arpaio was recruited to whip the rented reindeer, assisted by Storey County Sheriff Gerald Cook Antinoro and Assemblymember Jim “I’d vote for slavery” Wheeler of Douglas County, the all-time champion for consistent white population percentage.
A huge delegation of rebel grays attended from Virginia City. They celebrated their victory in morphing the Comstock’s venerable Labor Day Parade into a Confederate Army weekend bivouac. (Barbwire 9-2-2017)
Mounted on a huge white charger, Yerington Chief of Police Darren Wagner (Barbwire 4-11-2018) led the Pizen Switch delegation. He preceded the Lyon County float which featured a huge paper shredder in honor of Wagner’s admission of illegally shredding police reports about endemic racism at Yerington High School. (Barbwire 4-11-2018)
For his honorable service ignoring the issue during his short tenure, former Nevada Attorney General Adam Laxalt was given a position issuing Lyon school district parking tickets.
A bunny float festooned with comely ranch hands in fine furs commemorated the passing of their boss, a gentleman and a procurer, Nevada’s latter day Joe Conforte, Assemblymember-elect Dennis Hof, R-Pahrump.
A woman named Trixie held up a sign “it’s not just a choice, it’s a carear.” (sic, I think)
Few noticed the fine print: “At least it’s better than volunteering for Iraq or Afghanistan.”
Crowd anticipation approached palpability as Santa’s sleigh approached the reviewing stand. Everyone knew that the surprise grand marshall would pop out of the huge sack of Santa’s presents when his name was called.
Parade announcer Cliven Bundy ordered the crowd to silence, backed up by 20 machine gun-toting militia-types, some positioned on casino rooftops looking for stray feds.
“Here’s a man who needs no introduction so I’m not going to give him one” croaked the freedom loving, Sagebrush Rebellion anarchist.
“Ladies and gentlemen, the whitest person I know and a good friend, Nevada’s one-point-four-billion-dollar baby, the greatest self-promotor since P.T Barnum and Donald Trump, there’s a new marshall in town, let’s hear it for Elon Musk.”
Dressed in the latest Spacex high-tech attire, Musk quickly descended from his horsepowered throne (with lithium-ion battery backup, natch).
The whitest of the white passed out copies of his latest public relations coup, wholesale racism and union suppression at his Fremont, California, auto assembly plant.
The parade resumed to its destination, the under-construction south Carson monument to U.S. Sen. Patrick McCarran.
As the Yerington High Marching Band played “Dixie,” I woke up feeling cold and empty.
I rarely remember my nightmares, but this one just won’t away.
ROGUES GALLERY: Regarding Kit Carson, see Reséndez, Andrés. “The Other Slavery: The Uncovered Story of Indian Enslavement in America” (pp. 299-301). Published 2016 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. Kindle Edition. Nominee, National Book Award for Nonfiction. See Wikipedia for additional Kit Carson references. His conduct, while execrable, was by no means the worst of his time and he reportedly advocated for the vanquished.
Regarding racism at Tesla Fremont, see the Dec. 2, 2018, New York Times and the November 14, 2017, New York Post, among many others.
Now go do something nice to build a dream on.
REAL-WORLD RIPOFF REVELATIONS. Payday loan forum, UNR Library (er…”knowledge center”) Thursday, Dec. 6, 6:00 p.m. Parking is NOT free. Info: Mackenzie Baysinger, (209) 280-5238, <email@example.com>
Happy High Holly Days to you and yours.
Be well. Raise hell. Esté bien. Haga infierno.
Andrew Barbano is a 50-year Nevadan and editor of NevadaLabor.com. E-mail <firstname.lastname@example.org>. Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Tribune since 1988.