If you don’t know who Typhoid Mary was (see below), you need to read this column as a matter of life and death.
The Nevada Legislative Interim Committee on Health Care met last week, apparently to complete the unraveling of the republic, one microbe at a time.
Fortunately, dear auld Nevada is blessed with intrepid paladins who implore us to “Protect Religious Liberty and Medical Freedom. Protect us from government mandated medical treatment – Including religious exemptions for vaccines.” (Verbatim quote from their mass e forwarded to me by several subscribers)
Exactly why these benighted knights desire protection from the religious exemptions for which they advocate remained curiously unexplained. (Websearch “unclear on the concept.”)
Accordingly, I submitted the following digital doggerel dissertation dissecting divinations dogmatic for the legislative committee’s consideration. I hope someone placed it in the official record so that some socio-anthropologist, many moons from now, might better understand the doofus dynamics of our diffuse and diminished decade. And maybe have a few laughs.
The opposition to medical science was led by a longtime Sparksite who finished fourth in the Miss Sparks contest decades ago. Perhaps she never got over it and exiled herself to Elko.
Morticia is the cousin of Sen. Gomez Addams (R-Sparks 14). The Sparks Addams Family birthed the freedom-loving racist party of Alabama Gov. George Wallace (R & American Independent Party), during his two presidential campaigns. Much to our ongoing embarrassment, it remains as Nevada’s third-largest political party.
I sent this in the spirit of true democracy which provides that your rights don’t allow you to sneeze on mine. Alas and alack, science is soooo 20th Century. Sniffle.
A Fake News Fable for Our Times
Q: Typhoid Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
M: They say I carry little bugs but that’s a lie, I know.
Typhoid Mary, quite contrary, are you sure that they’re not there?
I cannot see them with my eyes, so you need psycho care.
Typhoid Mary, quite contrary, do you know what makes you ill?
I don’t care, get away from here, I refuse to swallow pills.
Typhoid Mary, quite contrary, you’re spreading what you’ve got.
I don’t care, let all beware, I will not take a shot.
Typhoid Mary, quite contrary, how far does your freedom go?
I don’t care what’s in the air or what drips from my nose.
Typhoid Mary, quite contrary, why make your classmates ill?
I don’t care, my mother says that whatever is God’s will.
Typhoid Mary, quite contrary, did God so order? When?
True witness I bear from those who care of all the sins of men.
Typhoid Mary, quite contrary, so sickness is God’s wrath?
That’s what the preacher told my mom who placed me on this path.
Typhoid Mary, quite contrary, such un-Christian attitude!
We serve far higher powers, far wiser than are you.
Typhoid Mary, quite contrary, one bee infects the hive.
Defectives should be allowed to die, the strongest will survive.
Typhoid Mary, quite contrary, your crusade has little worth.
My freedom brings The Chosen One to cleanse this sinful earth.
BIG HAIRY COROLLARY – PLANNED PARENTHOOD, CALL YOUR OFFICE: Our freedom-loving Luddites included the following in their paean to mass malpractice.
“All Americans have the fundamental right to control their own bodies and determine their own health care. Do not violate these fundamental liberties and most especially do not violate our religious liberty.” (Another verbatim quote)
Alas and alack, inconsistency means never having to say you’re sorry.
TYPHOID MARY MALLON (1869-1938) was a carrier of typhoid fever who never exhibited symptoms. She caused several fatal outbreaks and lived out her life quarantined on North Brother Island in New York City’s East River between mainland Bronx and Rikers Island. Today, it is a bird sanctuary. An abandoned hospital occupies the site.
MAIL BAGGAGE. This just in from Morticia Addams in Elko: “I would be thankful if you would take me off your email list. I do not have the time or interest in your leftist blither.”
She was not on any of my lists. I sent her the above as a courtesy last week when I submitted it to the legislature.
Happy High Holly Days to you and yours.
Be well. Raise hell. Esté bien. Haga infierno.
Andrew Barbano is a 51-year Nevadan, editor of NevadaLabor.com and DoctorLawyerWatch.com/Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Tribune since 1988.