Everybody knows I’m a Bernie man but that’s never stopped me from promulgating my wisdom to other worthy candidates. See “Billionaire Tom Steyer Owes Me $5.” (Barbwire 11-27-2019) I work cheap for D’s but none others.
Now, I’m offering my services to the first Republican willing to pay my exorbitant consulting fee — largely because no self-respecting Democrat would become involved with the following.
For a humongous price, this semi-retired gourmet chef will cater a Make America White Again fundraiser with an innovative colorless theme that even the KKK will admire. White tablecloths and napkins, sliders from White Castle and fresh Canapes Blanc au Barbano – egg white finger sandwiches with ethnically pure mayonnaise on white bread. Brown crusts removed, of course.
For the children or those with indigestion, full-fat white milk. For adults, white wine.
To reserve my services, contact me as soon as possible and ask for the No Yoke Dept.
And somebody get me ex-Massachusetts Gov. William Weld’s phone number. This can make him competitive with the Klansman in Chief in endangered GOP primaries.
HERB CAEN, CALL YOUR OFFICE. The late, great Pulitzer Prize-winning SF Chronicle columnist had a regular feature called “Namephreakery,” wherein he published people with names that happened to fit their lives.
Barbwire spies report that Renown Regional Medical Center employs a sweet young lady named TABitha who performs — drum roll, please — CAT scans.
COMING UP THIS YEAR. February is National Eating Disorder Month. The Nevada Chantal Coalition’s double Telly Award-winning documentary will premiere on local TV with a lot of governmental and educational support. Watch ChantalCoalition.org/
February 22 or thereabouts (early voting optional) brings the Donkeykong presidential caucus. Gotta hunch a few folks will show up.
MARCH 31: César Chávez Celebration XVIII on the great union man’s 93rd birthday. The big event will be at a new location TBA. I will also be involved promoting at least two other César events in these parts. Monitor CesarChavezNevada. com/ ¡Sí se puede!
JUNE THE TWOTH: Nevada primary election day.
TBA this fall, the Reno-Sparks NAACP’s 75th Annual Freedom Fund Banquet. Gotta hunch many more pols than usual of all stripes will attend. Gee, I wonder why? Is something happening in November?
LUNCH BAGGIE. A Sparks reader challenged me to provide documentation that millions of American children go to bed hungry every night as I asserted last month.
“Way too many children and adults in the U.S. are way overweight and obesity is a problem, not hunger” quoth the reader.
“I believe the rates for diabetes which is often caused by obesity have gone up in the U.S. Just look around at many of our children, its (sic) not that their (sic) going to bed hungry, they’re going to bed having eaten too much and eating way too much of the wrong type of food. Often I drive by a church on McCarren (sic) which gives away food, many of those in the line certainly are not going hungry.”
A single Yahoo search for “u.s. children going to bed hungry” produced 208 million returns. The current best estimate is 11 million. I sent the top 10 links to him. In fairness, half of one sentence in his memo is arguably correct. Can you find it?
GETCHER DAMNED FLU SHOT. Otherwise, you may experience the most effective and most miserable weight loss program you’ve ever been on. I lost 25 pounds in one week in 2009 and didn’t fully recover my strength for six months. They even have mercury (thimerisol) free vaccines now. They may cost a bit more, but these Kosher shots contain no additives or preservatives, just like organic apples.
Happy High Holly Days to you and yours.
Feliz Navidad espero año e felicidad.
Be well. Raise hell. Esté bien. Haga infierno.
Andrew Barbano is a 51-year Nevadan, executive producer of Nevada’s annual César Chávez Day celebration, first vice-president and political action chair of the Reno-Sparks NAACP, editor of NevadaLabor.com and a member of the Chantal Coalition. As always, his opinions are strictly his own. E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Sparks Tribune since 1988.