MUCHAS GRACIAS, TEJANOS! Texas has shown us the way to prevent pleasure-seeking America from continuing to commit suicide.
Apparently in the age of Czar Donaldov, state legislatures, especially those that ignore the Civil War and its congressional antecedents, can do any damned thing they want. So why should Mississippi West Nevada sit on the sidelines? Let’s ante into the game. We can all make some serious money. You remember money, don’t you? Defined in Silver State statutes as “law of the land.”
Look it up. I dare you.
All the work has already been done for us. Just rewrite the Tejano abortion ban by substituting “COVID-19” for “abortion” so that any simpleton or hammerhead (which includes me) can sue anybody and anything for endangering or infecting himself, family, friends, pets — even mothers-in-law (finally good for something) — with the plague. And score $10,000 for the inconvenience.
We would need a good PR campaign to demonize those godless pro-choice anti-vaxxers. I am sure vaccine manufacturers, health care insurers and their lawyers would support the effort. I am available to consult on the campaign.
Forget the standard legalistic objections like “failure to state a cause of action for which relief can be given.” We’re talking media and money here. And one helluva lotta PR. Nevada — leading the way to save America from its self-centered self. Hallelujah!
Lone Star lawyers had to suck up a lotta Lone Star Beer to come up with that universal standing to sue sucker, and corralling COVID-19 is certainly more appealing than busting Uber drivers or putting doctors in penury.
Gov. Sisolak needs some good PR with all those Republican midget moon-howlers nipping at his tushy. He can get on his white horse (they don’t make rainbow horses, far as I know, but I’ve got a call in to Rainbow Coalition founder Rev. Jesse Jackson), and sally forth against the plague on behalf of all Americans.
Talk about economic diversification, Nevada can attract the best and brightest with this law. Certainly top gun personal injury lawyers and we’re always short of doctors. We might even subsidize Texas physicians who want to bring their horses when they move here. We’ve given corporate welfare to billionaires and subsidized mining and gambling for a century or more, so it’s about time health care workers share in the wealth usually reserved for the welfare queens who run our company town of a state.
NUMBER ONE ON THE HIT PARADE: The three local governments, their Regional Transportation Commission, their foreign-owned mis-management contractor and miscreant executive staff who have turned the now-defunct local mass transit system into a world class superspreader. Speaking of which…
MONITOR NEVADALABOR.COM/ As this screed is scribed on Monday, the liberal-woke fake news media (God bless’ em) are reporting no progress in non-existent negotiations to end the third bus strike in four months.
If and when the strike is settled, there won’t be much of a transit system left. The snail-sucking furriners who ran the system into the ground are down to half strength (under 90 drivers from 176). The Internet is loaded with help-wanted national ads offering great pay and benefits for bus drivers. Who’d want to work for the RTC French Conniption that has hospitalized dozens of drivers (at least two in ICU) and countless passengers because of illegally refusing to enforce mask mandates.
TIP TO LAWMAKERS: Check out the recent federal court decision which held that a ban on school mask mandates violates the rights of students with disabilities. Where? Why Texas, of course.
This should really get the collective shorts of the local bus bureaucracy in a bunch. For two years, the furriners have hidden behind the Americans with Disabilities Act as their reason to avoid masking.
As soon as the ledge passes our COVID protection law, I want to file the first claim against local governments and our former bus system. The only evidence I would need is the blackguards’ own written policies. Speaking of lawsuits…
YAY, SCENIC NEVADA. The ghost of founder Doug Smith is dancing on a cloud right now. Doug started the non-profit three decades ago to fight billboard blight. Attorney Mark Wray just sued the City of Reno for multiple violations of law, policy and previous settlements in giving away a ton of corporate welfare power to Ebenezer Scrooge’s old partner, Jacob Marley. See the expanded web edition of this column at NevadaLabor.com, speaking of which…
MONITOR THE WEBSITE for serious bus strike developments later this week.
THE LAST HURRAH. If you missed “Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga: One Last Time” on Sunday evening, go find it online. I was never more proud to be an Italian than watching my paisano and paisana conclude a magical collaboration. Benedicta.
MEA CULPA DEPT. I hereby abjectly apologize to readers and Democrats for my Nov. 17 Freudian typo terming Sen. Ira Hansen, R-Sparks, as a Democrat. It’s not the first time I’ve done so. Perhaps I have yet to reconcile, after 17 years on the same editorial page with him, how can such an intelligent man and good writer be such a moonhowler? He really and truly believes the piffle he promulgates. We even agree on at least one issue: It’s just flat wrong to skim taxpayer money to give corporate welfare to wealthy individuals and corporations. Mea maxima culpa, Ira, and may enlightenment illuminate your path.
Someday soon, I hope.
I’m always depressed when thinking about Ira, so here are a few zingers to lighten up a big Gaga-esque exit.
CAPTION CONNIPTIONS. Some people collect stamps, I collect screwups, the more unintentional, the better. I’ve been hard of hearing most of my life so close-captioning is always engaged on my TV sets. CC computers can come up with some bonafide bizarros.
The most frequent victim is the local ABC affiliate, “KOLO-8 News Now,” which has been malapropped as “Callaway it’s down” and “Cold Await News”. BTW, they operate in “Washington County” Nevada.
Fox-11 ran a story apparently blaming doctors for “the surgeon Coronavirus” and we mustn’t forget “Butt Valley Reservoir.” Former Washoe School Trustee Kurt Thigpen was dissed as “Pig Pen.” (Charlie Brown, call your copyright lawyer.)
The late Sparks Nugget owner John Ascuaga really drives computers nuts. Have you ever heard of “Jonas Quagga,” as in the mussels infesting Lake Tahoe?
And then my favorite: “News 4 Andy Levin.” Must be a new anchor on News 4 at 11:00 p.m.
Take care of each other and be careful out there.
Be well. Raise hell. / Esté bien. Haga infierno.
Andrew Quarantino Barbano is a 52-year Nevadan and editor of NevadaLabor.com, SenJoeNeal.org and MississippiWestNV.org/Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Tribune since 1988.