1999. My birth-father is playing whiffle ball with my two sons, 8 and 6. My boys are in heaven. Their grandfather, too. He hits them grounders and flies, encouraging them, teaching them. Being with them. I watch. A wistful veil falls over me. Bittersweet breaths. I teeter on a cliff inside myself. One inner voice suggests I resent the hell out of this moment. See, I have … [Read more...]
If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother
Patients in therapy tell unhappy stories about relationships with their mothers and fathers. They grieve the past. They feel the burden of the past in the present. They are uncertain of the future. Telling these unhappy stories is, itself, a significant therapeutic victory. Sigmund Freud said, “No one is more unattackable than a parent,” and he was right. Parent/child … [Read more...]
The intimacy of living whole
We continue our discussion from last week regarding human intimacy … There are many “arenas of intimacy.” Intimacy with the nature, for example, is the conscious and intentional ways we realize our dependence on air, water, soil, and the animals, the way we celebrate and enjoy participating in creation, helping things live and grow. Religious folks talk about intimacy with … [Read more...]
We Long for Close Relationships
We are made for relationship. We are social animals. Yet, we are ambivalent about intimacy: We seek it, we shun it, we long for it, we dodge it. We need it. A whole and authentic life is marked by the ability to forge lasting, intimate relationships. It’s a goal of mine – that, before I die, there could be a handful of folks who might say they knew me. Really knew me. And … [Read more...]
Women and beauty: It’s complicated
Julie sits and stares. Then she stands and stares. She tries the light to her left, then to her right. Close up, then from a distance. Something is happening inside her that, for the time being, apparently makes blinking unnecessary. Or breathing, for that matter. Julie is pondering two paintings. She’s the subject in both. The quite naked subject. Julie is 48. She’s a … [Read more...]
Raising the Dreaded Teenager
Your babies were once cute. Adorable. Yep, you had to change their diapers and wipe their noses, but, in exchange they would say cute, adorable things. And they thought you were a god. But keep giving food to adorable babies and they become big smelly teenagers. Laying waste to bathrooms. Drama. In many ways more vulnerable than a toddler. Often unlikable. Hamsters have … [Read more...]