Did people in The Middle Ages fret about their self-esteem? Did they sit in taverns and wonder aloud to their friends why they didn’t love themselves more? Did they work their farms while daydreaming about the hope of someday having more self-esteem? See, I rather doubt it. I think perseverating about self-esteem is the calling card of this time, this place and this … [Read more...]
Advice on Grieving During the Holidays
I have a day planner. I schedule things. I have to, because, as my father would so eloquently state it, “Steven, you couldn’t find your [back side] if you used both hands.” So, thus equipped and forewarned with such comprehensive, mentoring insight, I learned to write things down. Appointments, travel plans, meetings, doctor’s appointments, haircuts, car repair – the rhythms … [Read more...]
When Being ‘Mean’ Helps
When my middle son, then 17, joined the army, he was shipped to boot camp in South Carolina. A few weeks later I received his first letter, and in that letter was an anecdote for the ages. Aaron told the story of raising his hand to ask a question. The drill sergeant growled back, “The next time you have a question, private, why don’t you open your mouth and put a … [Read more...]
Dreams I’m Ready to Chase
1993. Two days shy of his second birthday, my firstborn, Jonathan, is exploring the grassy area behind the apartment building. His legs, alive with energy and joy, make the swish-squish sound that is the signature of the modern disposable diaper. I watch him from a distance, sitting on a concrete staircase, guitar in my lap, dreaming, resting. His squeal lifts my head. … [Read more...]
Deep Love in a Blended Family
A friend sends me an advice column written by psychologist Karen Young from her blog Hey Sigmund. In the column, Young offers encouragement and advice to people in life partnership/marriage in a blended family. One or both partners bring children to the love affair. Complicated? Often! Impossible? No! Second-chance romance and marriage can, should and does often thrive. Let … [Read more...]
Justice Matters but Redemption Matters More
The older I get, the more I become certain of what I do not know. Here’s something I do not know: I do not know if my fierce passion about the subject of evil is learned or inherent. Sometimes I think the passion is a consequence of my history. My life experience. That the passion was/ is a spontaneous adaptation helping me to survive. I learned it, and that of necessity. I … [Read more...]
‘I’m Disappointed in You’
When I observe law enforcement and military service in the United States, the sheer swath, depth and breadth of options is impressive. It’s a continuum that begins with mere presence and ends with a thermonuclear strike. Presence. Visibility. Clear communications with the civilians. An understanding of the law that is at once clear, impartial and fair. Then questioning. … [Read more...]
What We Don’t Say at the End
Four years of my professional life were spent working in hospice. Director of Bereavement and Pastoral Care. Simply put, four of the best years of my life. Creative, energizing, and a daily learning curve. A downer? Absolutely not! Quite the opposite. More hopeful, inspirational, meaningful. I listened to the mortals in the bed. Talked to them. Was always struck by how … [Read more...]