When the world’s great religions admonish us to “love one another,” this is not the same as insisting in every case and every moment we possess warm feelings for everyone. The presence of affection is, in the end, no valid measure of whether we love. To the contrary, the fidelity and quality of love is most fiercely tested in the absence of affection. Affection is a … [Read more...]
Contemplating ‘Sophie’s Choice’
In 1979, author William Styron gave us the novel “Sophie’s Choice”. In 1982, director Alan Pakula gave us the film by the same name. The story centers around Sophie, a Jewish survivor of Auschwitz who, in the film’s signature scene, is forced by a Nazi doctor to choose between her son and daughter. She can keep one child. The other she must surrender to die immediately in the … [Read more...]
Go … Do … Redeem your Past
He’s a little dazed and giddy. Words free flow as energy makes his body restless in the chair. He chats in circles, sometimes connecting thoughts and other times leaving half-sentences hanging in mid-air. I hold the space for him to find his way. Talking to him is like trying to tune in a radio station on one of those old ‘tube’ radios as it warms up. Finally, he zeroes in … [Read more...]
Experiences Top Possessions
I think Albert Einstein was right: time doesn’t really exist. It’s an agreed-upon group illusion, designed to sell watches and clocks. And to tell me when to pay my quarterly taxes. And to help make sure I’m sitting in my office at the same time patients expect me to be sitting there. And to countdown the moments. Maybe to provide rhythm and context to this thing called life. … [Read more...]
Still Transfixed by the Crèche Scene
I love Christmas. I inherited this from my mother, I suspect, who is a first ballot lock for the Christmas Fanatic Hall of Fame. My mother is a Christmas juggernaut. You can follow. You can assist. But otherwise, get out of the way. Or you’ll be run over by joy. It begins on “Christmas Saturday.” Christmas Saturday happens one or two Saturdays before Thanksgiving Day. … [Read more...]
Childbirth: Expecting the Unexpected
Show me a woman who is pregnant, and I will show you a woman who lives expectantly. Everything about her will soon be forever changed. Her mate, too. And the lives of any previous children born to the union. Babies change everything. But of course they do. And parents (who pay attention) expect everything to change. Chief amongst these expectations is the expectation that … [Read more...]
How do Human Beings come to Feel Worthwhile?
Did people in The Middle Ages fret about their self-esteem? Did they sit in taverns and wonder aloud to their friends why they didn’t love themselves more? Did they work their farms while daydreaming about the hope of someday having more self-esteem? See, I rather doubt it. I think perseverating about self-esteem is the calling card of this time, this place and this … [Read more...]
Advice on Grieving During the Holidays
I have a day planner. I schedule things. I have to, because, as my father would so eloquently state it, “Steven, you couldn’t find your [back side] if you used both hands.” So, thus equipped and forewarned with such comprehensive, mentoring insight, I learned to write things down. Appointments, travel plans, meetings, doctor’s appointments, haircuts, car repair – the rhythms … [Read more...]