On the shelf in my office sits – stands, really – a 5” action figure of Carl Gustav Jung. He is wearing a gray suit and black tie. His glasses are pushed up on his forehead. Carl is smiling. I acquired Carl The Action Figure on Christmas Day, a few years ago. Just reached into my stocking, and pulled him out. A nod from my younger sister, the licensed psychologist, told me … [Read more...]
Oh, That Alien Feeling Called Love
First love is a life-changing experience. It happens to most people in adolescence. I waited a bit longer, 23 years old when I, by way of introduction, hit a sunbathing Gamma Phi Delta with a Frisbee. Actually, my friend threw the fateful disc, he and I on a wide expanse of grass behind the chapel at Southern Methodist University, living large and youthful in the spring … [Read more...]
When is a Complaint Legitimate?
I can’t get sloppy or casual with this guy. His brain is smart, thorough and relentless. He’s a bit intense, but so am I, so maybe we’re a good fit. He wants nothing more (and nothing less) than to be a good human being. And, some day, he’d like to be a good mate and life partner in a terrific relationship. He challenges me: “You say, ‘Stop confronting each other and start … [Read more...]
The Good/Bad Side of Religious Guilt
Cousin 1 says he believes the guilt his Catholic family taught him was important for his moral development. Cousin 2 disagrees. She says that same family’s teachings about guilt did nothing to enhance her inner voice for right and wrong; rather, she sees these teachings as a mechanism of control and injustice. Interesting discussion. But, when I get caught eavesdropping, … [Read more...]
Admire, Behold and See Your Children
This father just got his butt metaphorically kicked from here to Shanghai by his adult daughter. She just flat crawled him. A strafing run. This father is perplexed. Sincerely incredulous. Dazed and confused. Hurt, too, but that seems unimportant to him for the moment, compared to his inability to really grasp what just happened and why. The daughter’s outburst is all … [Read more...]
Trust: You Don’t Learn, You Decide
She wants me to help her learn to trust. Her exact words, in fact: “Help me learn to trust.” She thinks of trust, apparently, as a skill set one can acquire. A learning curve. Like trust was a martial art that we could test for and eventually earn a black belt. The Trust Master. She wants to master trust. I tell her I’m not her guy. I tell her there are no “trust … [Read more...]
Manhood Stands for Itself
When I was in kindergarten, Stevie Duffy was my nemesis. I’m astonished, actually, that I still remember his name. And his face. And his voice. But it’s all quite keen in my mind. Came the day he crossed the line. He was riding atop the teeter-totter, and he sneered “Stupid face!” And suddenly nothing in heaven or earth was more important to 5-year-old Steven Kalas then to … [Read more...]
Healing a marriage is 50/50 work
My friend says, with an ever-so-slight thread of defensive in his voice, “There’s a reason for all divorces. It’s fault that’s much harder to determine. I refuse to accept that fault is always split equally.” My friend is technically correct, and that in two ways. First, not all divorces happen as a result of consensus. Only sometimes do “We” decide for divorce. At least as … [Read more...]