Sometimes you have to go to hell. Oh, I’m not talking about religion here. In fact, I don’t use the word “hell” very often to describe some afterlife place of deliberate torment as just punishment for not belonging to the right religion. No; when I say you sometimes have to go to hell, I mean a very immediate, very real, “here and now” experience. You don’t have to die to go … [Read more...]
Tips on Raising That ‘Devil Daughter’
The mom and dad are, if nothing else, shockingly candid. They tell me the three family therapists before me have each been wiled by their daughter ‘s combination of intelligence and “Sweet Lil ‘Ol’ Me” persona. That the three family therapists before me have all turned on them – the parents – and suggested they are the problem. They tell me I have no idea how awful the … [Read more...]
Learning to Control Your Wake
He complains about the gross inaccuracy and therefore unfairness of the too familiar criticisms. Criticisms that have dogged his every step since grade school. The criticisms hurt him. Make him feel helpless and confused. He has tried believing the criticism. Protesting the criticism. Fighting back. He has tried self-loathing. Despair. He has even tried a melodramatic … [Read more...]
The Dance of Cynicism and Skepticism
In ancient Greece, Antisthenes, a pupil of Socrates, rose to sufficient stardom in philosophical circles that he landed a ‘spin off’ as the founder of his own sect, The Cynics. The Cynics “were marked by an ostentatious contempt for ease, wealth, and the enjoyments of life (The Oxford English Dictionary).” On the extreme side of this sect lived Diogenes, who advanced the idea … [Read more...]
Know Your Limits, Then Reach for the Skies
A little to the left, a little to the right – the good life is found through balance. Work matters. Human beings are happy when they are productive, creative and engaged in life. We have a need to contribute. To participate. To feel accomplished. Not to mention that we have to pay the bills. I spent all day yesterday climbing up and down a 20’ extension ladder, painting. … [Read more...]
The Real Marriage Vows
One of the consequences of being a priest is that I’ve likely attended more weddings than you have attended. Waaay more. At weddings, couples exchange vows. For better or worse. For richer, for poorer. In sickness and in health. I won’t have sex with anybody else, ever. To love and to cherish. Until death do us part. You know the drill. These are the vows. The … [Read more...]
The Quintessential Freudian Slip
As an undergraduate psychology major, I took a course in group therapy. It was a terrific class with a brilliant professor, whose strategy for teaching us was mostly spending the semester being the therapist with our class composing the group in therapy. One day it was my turn. That is, the focus of the group’s work was on me. I talked of my family-of-origin and my childhood … [Read more...]
Humor: The Best Medicine
Patients laugh a lot in my office. I do, too. Which is, seen one way, ironic, especially when you consider that no one comes to therapy who isn’t suffering. But, seen another way, humor is an ally for those who suffer. I admit that some of the laughter is a consequence of just me being me. Humor is a vital part of my life, my personality. I enjoy seeing the world with a bit … [Read more...]