The mother intercepts her 10-year-old son’s poem. She is concerned, and brings it to me. My first reaction to it is to notice the boy’s brilliance. The poem is magnificent. Several stanzas of terrific rhyme, meter, and depth of thought. I admire this boy already. “But, why the violence,” she implores. “I didn’t raise him this way. Why doesn’t he write poetry about … [Read more...]
Not Everyone Needs a Medical Label
The “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” (DSM) sits on the shelf behind the front desk at my office. It’s big. It’s thick. It always reminds me of a family bible parked on a coffee table. It looms. Published first in 1952, the now DSM V is in its fifth revision. The manual is always a work in progress, both scientifically and culturally. Disorders are … [Read more...]
Authenticity Requires Your Self
A reader sends an email containing a contemptuous criticism. It happens. He says that, in my column, I’m always talking about myself. Ever been confronted by someone whose intention it is to deliver a contemptuous criticism, and, unbeknownst and unwitting, he ends up delivering a sublime compliment? And I think of Zan Holmes. Dr. Holmes was my homiletics professor in … [Read more...]
Advice on Watching Your Teen
The temptation is to think that adolescents need us less than our younger children do. Nope. In some ways, adolescents need us more. The vulnerability of modern adolescents is unprecedented. When I was in high school, my drug/alcohol experimentation began and ended with rolling dry rosemary up in notebook paper and smoking it. That and a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry … [Read more...]
Love Is a Happening, Not a Decision
We don’t get to decide when we fall in love, or with whom. Falling in love is not a decision. Falling in love is a happening. Falling in love is perhaps one of the most cherished, longed for, and defining of human experiences. When it happens, you will never be the same. Falling in love is not the same as strong sexual chemistry. Nor is falling in love mere flirting or … [Read more...]
Thinking about Injustice
Sometimes the Good Guys win, and the Bad Guys are brought to justice. Or, even better, the Bad Guys account for their behavior, express real remorse, resolve to change their behavior, and embrace the redemption of a new way of life and relationship. I love redemption stories. Sometimes The Bad Guys are brought to justice. But sometimes not. I think of my enemies. My own … [Read more...]
Modern Masculine Struggle
I want to notice something out loud. And that’s all. Meaning, my intent is not to render a criticism, but to invite The Reader to examine something with me. It intrigues me. Befuddles me. And I’d love to know what you think. Often I speak and write about how modern men manage vulnerability – grief, love, need, insecurity, joy, mortality … you name it. I stand by my … [Read more...]
Strive More for Truth Than Honesty
When it comes to values, we can’t not choose. That is, you have to cast your die. To set your sail. In some cases, you have to choose sides. To be “for” this will require being “against” that. Even if you say “values don’t matter,” you’ll nonetheless be deciding upon a values-based course of action. To wit: you very much value being liberated from thinking critically … [Read more...]