A teacher of mine once said, “If I had to put in a one-liner the most pervasive and chronic psychoemotional handicaps of the genders, I would still say, even after all these years since Freud, Feminism, and the Men’s Movement: men can’t cry, and women can’t get pissed.” The moment she said it I knew it was true. And, 37 years later, this preponderant truth is still … [Read more...]

Pornography: the word literally means “pictures of prostitutes.” On a good day, pornography is a waste of a man’s time. After that it goes downhill. It disembodies both the power and the sacredness of sex. It isolates men, and teaches their brains to eroticize isolation. It normalizes an artificial standard of stimulation, and literally programs the male brain to believe it … [Read more...]

There is a bit of folklore saying that animals can sense an impending earthquake. Dogs whine and pace nervously. Roosting birds take flight, as if startled by something. Deer freeze, motionless. There is an uncomfortable electricity in the air. A heaviness. I think of these things as I talk with the woman in my office. She’s agitated. Restless. She glances left, right, up … [Read more...]

The chilly quiet of another winter solstice. New Year’s Eve looms. ‘Tis the season for contemplation and self-examination. The self-examination might yield one or more New Year’s resolutions, promises to oneself at once fierce and frail. Which is to say most of the promises will wilt like wysteria before Valentine’s Day. Existentially speaking, the entire exercise is … [Read more...]

Show me a woman who is pregnant, and I will show you a woman who lives expectantly. Everything about her will soon be forever changed. Her mate, too. And the lives of any previous children born to the union. Babies change everything. But of course, they do. And parents who are paying attention expect that. Chief amongst these expectations is the expectation that we have no … [Read more...]

Time to prune my oleanders. I hate this job. Oleanders grow like weeds. They are poisonous. It takes me the whole weekend. When I’m done, the trees look great, but my backyard is filled with mountains of huge branches and foliage. So, I complain to a friend. I have no way of getting this debris to the dump. Last time I did this, I ended up paying $350 to rent one of those … [Read more...]

She is pushing her fiancée to say it out loud. She ‘hears’ it, feels it, smells it, and it would be a relief to them both if he would just say it. But he is struggling. He is afraid. So, as the moments tick by, the unspoken sits between them. What he needs to say out loud is, “This is a deal-breaker. I cannot abide this relationship in these circumstances. If these … [Read more...]

Greeting cards are a guh-jillion dollar industry in America. I love them! Giving and receiving them. My beloved actually stockpiles them, buying unique, poignant, moving, or very funny greeting cards without anyone yet in mind to receive them. It’s dear. Do you have a friend or relative who seems unable to send a greeting card without underlining – once, twice, even three … [Read more...]