Love relationships follow observable trajectories. They are dynamic. They evolve. If not, then, to be sure, they devolve. True love will not for long stand still or remain silent in the face of inertia. Especially a stubborn, willful inertia. THE MEETING “I met someone,” a man or woman will say to me. And, however dramatic or ordinary the meeting, something has given … [Read more...]
Reaction is revenge; action is justice
There is indeed a very short list of moments wherein it’s good to be reactive: If there is a tiger in your house. If your house is on fire. If your dog, your spouse, or you are on fire. When you are halfway home from Chuck E Cheese, and your spouse says, “Where’s the baby?” When your platoon leader shouts, “Incoming!” If you are a major news outlet and our … [Read more...]
Great love? Stare down your fears
He’s stingy. Stingy with his loving reassurance. When she needs it is when he’s least likely to offer it. He scolds her for being insecure. She insists she has every reason to be insecure. Because he’s stingy with his loving reassurance. She scolds him for being withdrawn and distant. He insists he has every reason to be withdrawn and distant. Because she’s … [Read more...]
Rules for lovers who text
All thriving couples attend to the equation of “separateness and connectedness.” Meaning, thriving love relationships require both a nurtured connectedness AND a healthy separateness. For most people in committed relationships, the bulk of healthy separateness is built in: We go to work. We cast ourselves headlong into our vocation. Our job. Additionally, men and women … [Read more...]
OK girls, meet your Gravitas
What follows is the companion to my June 14 column. I mean, what’s good for the gander is good for the goose, right? A lucky woman meets Gravitas. A smart woman welcomes and nurtures his friendship. And even smarter woman courts him, woos him, desires him, falls in love with him. Takes the plunge and marries him. Lets him move in. Who is Gravitas? Oh my … Gravitas (the … [Read more...]
Vulgarity Won’t Make America Great
It occurs to me that “vulgarity” is the antonym of “nobility.” Nobility, when found in a human being, is a sublime state. Nobility inspires. It has to do with character, goodness, virtue, magnanimity, honor, decency and integrity. It is a rare quality advanced not merely to friends, but also to our detractors, critics, and antagonists. Noble warriors even hold nobility for … [Read more...]
Listen up, guys, get a load of Sophia
A lucky man meets Sophia. A smart man welcomes and nurtures her friendship. An even smarter man courts Sophia, woos her, desires her, falls in love with her. Takes the plunge and marries her. Let’s her move in. Who is Sophia? Oh my … Sophia is a woman who can change the way you think of things/ She laughs at what you know because she knows what you don’t see/ Sophia is a … [Read more...]
The difficulties of a blended family
One of the things I’m good at is resourcing, encouraging and supporting couples in the work of Blended Family. I speak, of course, of divorced mothers and fathers who find themselves again in love. People for whom life has offered another chance to love, and to love well. To do it ‘right.’ To choose a life of creative couplehood that becomes a blessing to themselves and their … [Read more...]